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Psychology

Not my first love but my dearest second. Psychology is a passage into one of many hidden dimensions in life. We can either apply it like simpletons or become resourceful, delving into the intricate web of the human psyche. Divulging our hidden, repulsive, delightful and purest selves. Destroying and concocting the world as we know it into either what it is or what we want it to be.

Psychology is enlightening continuously, on how sensitive the human mind and actions are to influence. Influence can be found and hidden in many ways and things. Sounds, actions, pictures, while awake and asleep.

Exploring all areas of the human being. Bringing rationality to what we once preached to be symptoms of insanity. The concept of something manipulating our behavior other than ourselves; controlling our actions. Messages are being sent and received.

To summarize, my love for psychology is founded on the ideology of controlling and being controlled. Most fear and reject this discovery. But I don’t, I embrace it and acknowledge it as an aspect of life. But can I counter-attack? Re-persuade my sub-conscious into what I deem upright, knowledgeable and suitable behavior. It is the year 2019, I am a product of my surroundings and a victim of knowledge. Studies of the human mind and its functions, beloved behavior manipulation, social learning, cognitive and cultural dissonance. It is a fact that someone or people are is guiding our world beliefs, religious infatuations, sexual norms, racial identification, social justice and even our definitions of freedom. Entitlement, allotment or earned through battle?

Developmental psychology, Social and personality, Biological. My highest interest lies in perception and behavioral psychology, Cognition & cognitive neuroscience. Freud, Skinner, Carl Jung, John B. Watson, Alfred Binet and many more. Psychology is not summarizable as “why the world is round?” A better description would be why do you believe the world is round, whom or who told you so? Why do you perceive it as true? Why don’t you question the world being round? Why did you take so long to consider thinking of the possibility of misinformation of the world being round? And who and what is suppressing or manipulating your thinking? And if we find out we have been misguided, why do we give the dictator or facts the benefit of the doubt and say it was an un-intentional misguidance. Why can’t we aknowlegde that the world is cruel in every way in the year 2019 just as it was three thousand years ago. No one is handing over information and if they are, you and I should be cautious of free information.

This is what psychology means to me, I do believe others summarize and prioritize different aspects. But this is similar to salvation for the mind, we all get touched by a different preaching sermon and style. My dearest Second love, Psychology.

Mortgaged Time

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No time. why do we feel like we don’t have the time to advocate for things and people that we believe are important?

  •  Primed to mortgage our time on superficial occupations.

We live out our days on this earth going to school religiously to get our ideal job. Then we date frantically to find our harmonious spouse. And then we squabble vehemently to provide for our perfect family.

  • There is never enough time for everything.

With careers, schooling, and families, plus our necessary leisure time to rejuvenate. There is never enough time to do the things we know are important but are convinced has no benefit other than emotional gratification.

 

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Warning made up the following scenario:

Everyday Janet drives to work at her local DMV center. In her routine day, she realizes that customers are complaining about how the new law requires them to have the best car insurance financially possible. They have to submit a portfolio of their income and expenses. Proving that they’re spending the most they can afford. All in hopes of decreasing the number of underinsured drivers being sued during car accident claim disputes.

Janet can relate with the clients that this is invasive, and she complains to clients daily. Janet also talks about the new requirement with her coworkers. Although Janet is aware of the impeachments of American citizens rights. She has the thought of not only complaining but to jump into action; she tells herself she hasn’t the time to look into the validity of her feelings. Nor does she believe her protesting will be pervasive in changing the new requirement.

  • No longer complaining but acting.

“Small steps equal huge Journies”

 

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You do not have to abandon your job, family and leisure time to be an advocate against world problems. Somehow we have contrived in our minds and applied these thoughts to our schedule that it takes so much time and long spurts of effort to succeed.

  1. Janet only needs to commit thirty minutes a day on her lunch break to look into how to go about changing laws as a citizen of Little Rock.
  2. Make a list of what she thinks is required to change the new law.
  3. What constitutes “illegal law practices”?
  4. How have people in the past changed laws that were voted into everyday play?

The more she knows and looks into answering her questions, the less she will feel her desired end result is impossible for her to accomplish.

  • Praise and Envy to the Devoted Protesters/Advocates.

Deep within us, we can acknowledge the praiseworthiness of people who will advocate and not only complain about problems in life. Secret Envy of individuals who dedicate their lives to “The Cause”. Regardless of societies pressure’s; telling them to put their picket signs down and join the local job force.

  • Mainstream Media has Victimized Our Minds Into Thinking of only Extremities.

Either you went to school and you work the “nine to five” plus occasional overtime. Or you are a whimsical emotionally driven human, who refuses to earn a proper living. All because you utilize your education to irritate, in hopes of reformation.

 

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We are constantly prapelled to respond to abominations and outcries of those mutilated, yet we can’t find the time to become a protester. Who constantly utilize their free time or prioritizes all of their time to better the world.

  • Under-Estimating The Importance Of Emotional Gratification, Incurred by Acting upon our desire to change the World.

Incomplete, our feelings when we suppress our innate urge to campaign and rally change.

 

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Feeling Stuck…

Symptoms of suppressed Desires:

  1. Anxiety
  2. Slight/Light depression
  3. Muscle tension
  4. Unsettled; mentally and physically. Feeling the need to busy yourself constantly resulting in empty feelings.
  • Positive Manifestations derived from the Evolution of Human Urges.

All human desires are not promiscuous/evil. Nor do they lead you away from normal operations in life.

Alleviation of our connate calling to reform the world into a better place causes:

 

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  1. Effective
  2. In control
  3. Efficient
  4. Influential
  5. Complete
  6. Empowered
  7. Enriched with awareness of life’s purpose emotions.

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This place in Time

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Have you ever craved a particular kind of music?

But can never find the style that meets your current feeling.

This is something new to me.

I’ve always known what song, what artist, and the exact tempo to play to coincide with my inside yearning.

But as of late, I can’t seem to find a song, artists, or genre to agree with my current space.

I am not a one genre kind of person

I mingle in pop, classical, rap, Rnb, Country, and jazz, Practically everything under the Sun.

But as of right now I struggle to find someone who matches my place in time.

I know tons of songs, but none seem to fit.

They don’t eas my mind and make me think “That’s it!”

I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that maybe I’ve grown to another frame of mind.

Including the oldies, all the way back to the twenties up until now.

Nothing, and I mean nothing soothes my soul.

It might be “when you know more, more is required of you” type of phenomenon.

Considering with this feeling came my desire to start my blog and start writing more.

As well as my personal decree to stop watching tv and many other idle things, and replace those moments in time with informative videos, and books.

This is what caused my spiral into watching TEDx talk videos about self-love, how to achieve your goals. I’ve listened to Malcolm Gladwell books, Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Which, has revolutionized my daily expectations in my current life.

I now want more love from myself for myself as well as to others. I don’t want to live stereotypically vague. Working, searching for love, with an internal itch for something more out of my life.

In the moments of these feelings, I have times where I just have the urge to cry.

I don’t particularly think I have many reasons to cry.

I don’t believe myself to be pessimistic just realistic on my outlook on life.

Whatever the cause may be at least I think I know what the effect on myself is going to be.

A part of me does not want to completely leave what I have known and allowed to be my comfort.

But, then the other part of me knows that it will kill me if I never leave these things behind.

I will continue to lay in bed at night and negate the unwise things I let consume my time.

Which leads to my guilt of daily spending my time, resulting in me doing random things at night. Reading, schoolwork, Tedx videos, Research, all because I feel guilty about the things I don’t do in the day.

I want so much more from myself. And I can not wait for someone to come and hold my hand to guide me through this change. This is something that me, myself, and I, has to gird up myself and triumph through.

I know this may seem vague, but for those who understand. You as well should let go.

Let go of whatever you know is no longer good for you.

No matter how long it or they have been your source of comfort, your soul will continue to be dismayed.

I feel the beckoning to change, and I don’t want to criticize myself for not leaving these things behind. They are not the center of the universe. Let alone my world.

  • I will break free from this chain, even though its things that I have attached to myself.
  • I have engaged in my own persecution, mutilation, and subjugation. I knowingly submit myself to people and things.
  • I no longer want this in my life.

As of this moment in time, I am still unsure of the true meaning behind my inability to find music to my taste and be truly engaged in other idle things, tv shows, movies, and futile things, that doesn’t do me any good. I who call myself an adult, feel that I have to be entertained by primordial kinds of paraphernalia.

I’m learning to retrain myself to enjoy at all times things that are truly beneficial to my mind, body, life, and future. I no longer want to want tyrannical  ( pleasures) that are typical; teaching me nothing but how not to trust, bad stereotypical traits of men, women, other races, and even of my next of kin. Its no longer desirable, and I won’t succumb. Replacing them with profitable interests.

I felt that I was suppressing my desire to write, change my daily routine, and attributes of my life, which was a suppression of myself. Inside of this movement that I created, I hope it creates a stampede within myself. So that I will blitz towards truth and true betterment of myself and spirit. Which, will manifest in all aspects of my life.

This place in time.

 

 

Darkness

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While thinking, I suddenly thought how warm darkness is.

I assume a good way to get a glimpse into a persons mental state is by asking how they feel about darkness.

And by darkness, I mean discribe your feelings on a deep dark night when you step outside.

When younger, I was scared of the night. My mind would be filled with thoughts of what ifs. (Someone or thing was lurking around waiting to pounce.)🕵️‍♂️

Never taking the time to realish in the beauty of the night.

Quite, peaceful , stillness, and settle soft breezes of wind tickleing my face.

The beauty of the night sky.

Maybe its just me experiencing the warm florida nights.

But, the night is so warm. It just feels just right at times.

It’s quite, my thoughts are loud and clear with no interruption,except from my next train of thought.

Everyone talks about how breathtaking the sky is in day time. Or a tear jurking stary night.

I enjoy the pitch dark nights where you wounder where everything and one is hiding.

Do you go outside at night?

What for?

How does it make you feel?

Please dont be afraid, dont think of the monsters of the day.

Let the night cleans you.

There is beauty in the dark night sky.

Maybe even more than the bright day.

Because the dark sky forces, faith and hope for another day.

Darkness has its own kind of brightness.

We just have to stop to feel it.

It can feel heavy or light, maybe it depends on the night.

I guess it depends on your view of the night.

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Type of Blog “About Me and You”

Hello Contradicties, Yes I’m already labeling you as one of my tribe members but that might be another story that you can find out about at my, In The Beginning was the….. story.

Assuming that you are now returning from reading about my beginning, of rising from the ashes and now ascending into greatness( embracing the fact that I’m a contradiction). You’re wondering about the purpose and life behind this blog.

At the end or almost to the end I started talking or we can say talk typing about expecting the unexpected in this blog world. And that “you are not alone there is a tribe of fellow contradicties, who share your struggles, interest, and awesomeness.” ( yes, I just quoted myself.:)

And Yes I will talk about everything and anything on this blog so do not (In my passive aggressive voice :), confine my blog and life to one single category.We contradicties are greater than that, we do not behave like other rigorous, rule-abiding people of the outside.

This blog will be creating a whole new universe in the categories and niche in blogs. It shall be called the Contradicting blogs.

 

That means I will indulge you in my personal opinions, life lessons and hopeful aspirations.

I hope that every reader and skimmer will learn to enjoy and scroll away with something new from my past and future adventures. I will talk about…

  1. Homeschooling
  2. Hardships of homeschooling(stereotypes)
  3. Natural hair journey
  4. Trying to strive for greatness at a young age
  5. How farming in Florida Aint so Idealistic
  6. How pigs can breed like goats(watch out)
  7. Super Learning
  8. Psychology
  9. Law Internship
  10. How I obtained an internship as a junior in high school
  11. How to analyze people on site
  12. Why I believe you shouldn’t force you kids to go to college
  13.  And many other topics including K-dramas, societies downfall.
  14. Bad jokes that I wouldn’t tell anyone in person.

I have many goals for this blog. The best way to type-scribe ( describe mixed with typing.:) it would have to be a give and take relationship that I hope to build with you, my readers.

I will share your struggles, interest, and awesomeness. I hope we grow together for the good of our well-being as people.

I believe that we should start by fixing individual people first and once the world has more good people then the world can start becoming a better place.

People have a life mission of “making the world a better place”, forgetting that people make up the world.

So, in this blog world, we have a mission to make individual people better thinkers, more knowledgeable, even though I may seem to approach some matters light heatedly. There are going to be times of seriousness, where I type about my serious thoughts and I expect every reader’s honest opinion.  I strive for wisdom, not just knowledge. Meaning that I want to utilize the information I learn not just have it in my head for the basis of a good conversation.

All so that I and all of my readers(currently figments of my imagination) can grow together to greatness. And from here on out this is our home base where you can tell me anything you would like to have me discuss or type about. I will be more than willing to take you up on any journey.

As long as I can, one afford to go on that journey. Unless anyone wants to fund my journey(not really). Then I suggest we stay in our Contradicting world where everything is free and complimentary.

That being way to do it if possible.  Gotta blast! To infinity and beyond! And Hakuna Matata! (It means no worries, you’re a contradiction. 🙂

 

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Love no more

Love no longer remains, he doesn’t snuggle with me to keep me warm.

Love’s moved out, so love no more.

I don’t have tears just because love’s moved out.

I see other people, as my life continues to pass me by.

He suddenly stopped calling my name.

Love no more dwells, in my home.

He left, on to some other young maiden’s house.

I bid him farewell.

Lovely ,while it lasted and what a sweet perfume I have in my house!

Late night, party memories floating in every room.

Time well spent when loved lived with me.

Love didn’t do me wrong.Served me well. then walked himself out my door.

Left the door slightly cracked open.

A silent farewell.

As I doodled, we fell.

I was walking by and then I saw his, hind marching down the drive.

And I went to the door, cracked opened; just enough to pull a draft.

The brown heavy oak door, eased right open and swung from the wind.

A breeze that bid me farewell.

As I stood in the doorway and watched love walk away.

Love no more, He went away.

I’m not mad, he made my day; when he walked away.

Love Me… I Dont Know How

My fear is that I’m Loveless.

That I don’t have the strength to love someone else.

That I fear rejection so much that I’ll never truely open up to someone.

To this day the 9th of September in the highly esteemed year of 2018.

I’m a broken puzzle, trying to stop myself from scattering my pieces.

At least I can congratulate myself on the ability to make friends.

Someone that I talk to daily; She knows of my secret manipulative ways.

Allowing me to confide in her about my life choices.

But back to my opening statement. I dont know if I’m being rightly cautios.

Or if I’m barring myself from love. All because I have a fear of being unhappy.

Crying at night, wondering where my loved one is! (Hypothetical speaking)

Ducking in fear from my beloved’s, dagerous words stabing my heart. Tearing my emotions down word by word, throwing my past descesions at my face.

(Not to say that I would tolerate such abusive ways)

Refusing to allow me to repent and throw my bad tendencies behind me.

Neither do I want to tell someone all, of my wrongs.

(only for the fear of being judged)

Then when I flip the switch I want to be open, stupindously free; uncover my dark streaks.

I dont think I’m necessarily the worst.

But I hate my down falls passionatley.

Staining my pallet with bitterness.

Upsetting my stomach and causing it to swell…

It makes my insides quiver and ache.

Tople over and under.

I fear that I’m trying to wash away my sins so hard that I’m pushing away any potentially good men. Who are also cleansing their self.

(Not really just think what if.)

I fear it stims from my dedication to self love. Suffering from poor self worth.

My mind goes on and on with estranged situations and variable situations.

If I’m sinning, or struggling with a bad characteristic trait. Then not yet am I rady for a relationship.

Refusing anyone who doesnt seem to have the ability nor capacity to help, keep me away from my addictions.

So I just turn them away.

I don’t know If I can love another, or myself!

Stormy Nights

Sleepy hollow, beds at night.

Sacredly hollowed.

Pitter, patter, the night runs away.

From dusk to dawn souls wonder,

Uniting in a land, some hatefully swallow.

Gently swayed by our own hearts deepest sorrows.

The night moves and all souls follow.

At night we lay. Begging for the end of our sorrows.

To meet up with old friends and kin long lost to life’s borrows.

Although we know life never gives them back.

At night we swallow.

Swallow our pride and fears.

We barrow strength to fight through the night.

At dawn we start to see….

Basking in the rays of the sun with no summer heat.

We lay in lovers arms, some in spirit; others in truth.

At night I dream of things I have yet to find true.

Stormy Night….

My sleepy soul, wallows.

Please see the below link to the song that inspired this Piece!!! 😉

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=summer+rain+carl+thomas

Cold Blood

Not bad, but cold.

Slowing my inner flow.

Disturbance to my inner sanctuary.

Deaths knocking at my door

Simply from visiting a neighbor, I grow cold.

Shivers all up and down my spine.

Cold blood, weakened pulse.

Death isn’t easy, neither does it sound trumpets before pouncing upon us.

Seeing deaths got me turning cold. Stirring my spirit, thinking if I’m ready to leave my home.

Say goodbye to my captured soulful life on earth.

Growing up in America you constantly hear how we’re so blessed And God knows best.

But then I think,”What if death was about to hit me dead in my chest. Disrupting the very air I breath”!

Ugh Hugh.

High I swell

Life is short.

But there’s no short phrase telling me how to prepare for death.

Readying me to see it.

Feel it.

And hear about it passing me by.

Deaths got me feeling cold.

As if its forever close.

A shadow hovering igniting my senses.

Occasionally tapping me on the shoulder and pointing at someone else, causing distress.

Forcing my head and my eyes to see.

Then pointing down at his watch.

I squint and stare , but I cant see the hands telling me the time I’ll drop dead.

Deaths got me feeling cold.

Cold blood to the bone.

Death came around and it got me feeling cold.

Cable strings

From my spine to my mind.

Navel cord and time.

Binding me and stringing me

Not blood and sweat but heart felt thoughts.

Him and I

No longer separate but intertwined.

Him and I.

Stitch by stitch

Every inch we’re stitched

Limb, mind, heart and soul.

Together we burn.

Sifting each other, perfecting our cause.

Dust to dust and ashes to ashes. we lay down and get back up.

Inseparable, we’re matches.

Igniting each others flames

Like gasoline on my fire.

We burn slow and steady.

No abrupt combustion but intently set apart concupiscence love.

Tink Tink

Tink tink; I feel dry.

Tink tink; I overflow.

Tink tink; I look up at the sky.

They say eagles are a sign of good luck, but all I saw was a vulture.

Tink tink; does that mean death?

Death to my old ways?

Death to a bitter soul?

Death to my unruly ways?

Tink tink; I’m a well.

Freshly dug, and I keep digging deep.

Tink, tink I’m stubble and stone.

My life’s just begun!

I see new beginnings!

Tink tink; a garden grows.

Tink tink; its harvest time.

Tink tink; my harvest has grown!

Tink tink; I’m beaten upon the floor.

Tink tink; yes I feel pain.

Tink tink; the shaft is gone!

Tink tink; I see the fire!

Its a blazing flame.

I don’t smell flesh, its amazing grace!

Tink tink …the stubble is gone.

Tink tink; I’m firm and strong

Tink tink; I sing a song.

Tink, tink I cry aloud ” I’ve been remade and redeemed.”

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, I give Yah praise!

In Yahushua’s name.

Tink tink: Shalom!

Love on the Brain

What if I never experience matrimonial bliss?

Never entertwine my life with his?

Forget to hand him the key to my soul?

Relent that next man will be better and he’s never sent?

Will I miss the opportunity to quiver and quack?

Be moved to a deep rythythemus low tune.

Can one miss the chance to give someone else the chance?

Not setting the bar so high, they themselves can’t jump over or touch?

I wonder about my life without ever trusting someone so much with my heart.

Knowing that they know all my fragile spots.

I can’t hide or act unfazed when he called me some kind of way.

Who am I that he would trust me this much?

Hold all his insecurities, push past his hateful ways!

Because no one’s perfect and we cant all slay the day.

I dont know, but loves been on my brain. Not keeping me up at night but disturbing my thoughts at work. As I watch others and do my work.

Love is a funny thing.

Highly craved thing.

Detested thing.

Beloved thing.

It can go many ways and sadly we never know.

We all hope love isn’t broken, dead or a foolish fairy tale. And than either we or our parents, friends and associates just picked the wrong one.

We all think to ourselves “I wont.”

An even smaller voice muddles. “I hope I won’t.”

On we go, living and searching for love. Giving and wanting our care to be reciprocated back.

On we go waiting for someone to give us a long anticipated heart attack.

Only in the name of love we pray!

Ardere

My love

My dear

My sweetheart and closes kin

Fine are your ways.

Time overlaps when I’m wrapped in your gaze.

To whom am I speaking?

My friend, my mate, my sweet sweet lover.

I give myself to thee, you need not ask it of me.

I’m yours from birth till death do us part.

In and out of time.

I am no longer I.

You are no longer you, but you are mines and I belong to you.

My dearest, sweet love.

Fire burns in my breast.

Churning my spirit into a tornado spinning around you.

Not just the air in my lungs but the breeze that kisses my cheeks.

The sun that burns my back.

The winter that tells me to find warmth.

You’re multi-seasonal and unconditional tinder love.

Filling me with riddles and tunes.

Telling me of poems and rhymes.

Giving me your hand and asking for my care.

I care, I do.

Telling me to come near, I run to you.

Whispering in my ear, as we cuddle under the sun.

I fear, loving you so much.

But you never stop me from coming near.

Calling me and trailing me to run

I walk and listen to you voice and humm.

I hear are song, it’ll never be done. You sing to me when you smile.

hold my hand or say a prayer.

I confess my love to you like a sinner, I’m undone.

Weak he says I make him.

Strong, I tell him he is.

Please, do not break me?

Ardere is our love.

Diablo….

I saw it suddenly and it scared me. The devils in his eye’s.

I see it clear.

Most think he the devil only dwells in the blue or green eyed men.

But this devil’s taken to my brown eyed man, singing, he sings downtown, calling it the blues.

I see it in his eyes, I hear it in his voice.

He moans and groans, scatting about his choice.

My man with the devil in his eyes, has a delightful voice.

But that’s besides the point.

He called three times, and he came.

“That son of a bitch, went and gave it up!”

The devils in his eyes, and now he’s lost his choice.

Night after night, he howls the devil’s favorite tune’s.

That thing that dwells deep within all of us, he gave his own up.

And now he sings, every night about his deal with the devil.

And people listen from dusk to dawn, to that man singing about the devil in his eyes, and how he stole his soul.

Telling stories, he says the devil whispered in his ear.

Going on about when he called three times, some late, dark night.

Telling people, “I can’t cry.”

“Cause I’m the one that let him in. Ever since that night, I can’t sleep so I stay here and chant the blues.

I see things, no man should ever see.

When I let the devil in, he made himself at home.

Can’t shoo him out, because he’s got, my soul.

My mother cried and begged me to take it back. But I couldn’t tell her, it was a done deed, signed my name, and its a cold hard fact.

Now, I just close my eyes and humm that same ole tune. And think to myself the devils got me beat. I’ll just continue to play the blues. The devil’s tune will never change, I heard it on the night he came. A, C, B, C”….

But it’s just what I heard from this ole girl who loved a brown eyed man, with the devil in his eyes.

Bless My Love

My love, my love, my dearest sweet love.

I pray God blesses you in every way.

Dear, do tell me how soon until you are near?

Near enough for me to hold.

Close enough for me to smell.

Clasping arm around arm. My love, I hope you are well.

May God bless your eyes, so that you may continue to gaze upon me lovingly.

May the Lord bless your ears, so that you may hear my voice.

Bless your feet, so you may walk straight to me.

Most of all bless your lips, that they may meet mine’s. I pray you wont be shy and continue to kiss me and move over to my check, collarbone, breast, stomach and thigh.

Picture from Pexels.com

May he bless your hard-working hands, strong and wide.

My love, my love, my dearest sweet love. God bless your soul, that it may intertwine with mine’s.

All photographs by Pexel.com