Have you ever craved a particular kind of music?
But can never find the style that meets your current feeling.
This is something new to me.
I’ve always known what song, what artist, and the exact tempo to play to coincide with my inside yearning.
But as of late, I can’t seem to find a song, artists, or genre to agree with my current space.
I am not a one genre kind of person
I mingle in pop, classical, rap, Rnb, Country, and jazz, Practically everything under the Sun.
But as of right now I struggle to find someone who matches my place in time.
I know tons of songs, but none seem to fit.
They don’t eas my mind and make me think “That’s it!”
I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that maybe I’ve grown to another frame of mind.
Including the oldies, all the way back to the twenties up until now.
Nothing, and I mean nothing soothes my soul.
It might be “when you know more, more is required of you” type of phenomenon.
Considering with this feeling came my desire to start my blog and start writing more.
As well as my personal decree to stop watching tv and many other idle things, and replace those moments in time with informative videos, and books.
This is what caused my spiral into watching TEDx talk videos about self-love, how to achieve your goals. I’ve listened to Malcolm Gladwell books, Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Which, has revolutionized my daily expectations in my current life.
I now want more love from myself for myself as well as to others. I don’t want to live stereotypically vague. Working, searching for love, with an internal itch for something more out of my life.
In the moments of these feelings, I have times where I just have the urge to cry.
I don’t particularly think I have many reasons to cry.
I don’t believe myself to be pessimistic just realistic on my outlook on life.
Whatever the cause may be at least I think I know what the effect on myself is going to be.
A part of me does not want to completely leave what I have known and allowed to be my comfort.
But, then the other part of me knows that it will kill me if I never leave these things behind.
I will continue to lay in bed at night and negate the unwise things I let consume my time.
Which leads to my guilt of daily spending my time, resulting in me doing random things at night. Reading, schoolwork, Tedx videos, Research, all because I feel guilty about the things I don’t do in the day.
I want so much more from myself. And I can not wait for someone to come and hold my hand to guide me through this change. This is something that me, myself, and I, has to gird up myself and triumph through.
I know this may seem vague, but for those who understand. You as well should let go.
Let go of whatever you know is no longer good for you.
No matter how long it or they have been your source of comfort, your soul will continue to be dismayed.
I feel the beckoning to change, and I don’t want to criticize myself for not leaving these things behind. They are not the center of the universe. Let alone my world.
- I will break free from this chain, even though its things that I have attached to myself.
- I have engaged in my own persecution, mutilation, and subjugation. I knowingly submit myself to people and things.
- I no longer want this in my life.
As of this moment in time, I am still unsure of the true meaning behind my inability to find music to my taste and be truly engaged in other idle things, tv shows, movies, and futile things, that doesn’t do me any good. I who call myself an adult, feel that I have to be entertained by primordial kinds of paraphernalia.
I’m learning to retrain myself to enjoy at all times things that are truly beneficial to my mind, body, life, and future. I no longer want to want tyrannical ( pleasures) that are typical; teaching me nothing but how not to trust, bad stereotypical traits of men, women, other races, and even of my next of kin. Its no longer desirable, and I won’t succumb. Replacing them with profitable interests.
I felt that I was suppressing my desire to write, change my daily routine, and attributes of my life, which was a suppression of myself. Inside of this movement that I created, I hope it creates a stampede within myself. So that I will blitz towards truth and true betterment of myself and spirit. Which, will manifest in all aspects of my life.
This place in time.