At times I have anxiety about life problems and the future I want to see.
This year I’ll have beauty from my ashes of burnt anxiety-wrecked nerves popping out in 3D.
I’ll have beauty from them because I’ve had a change in conscience, changed my expectation to honor my burnt plans as a balancer to my life’s soil.
I may have wanted something to grow, but while watching it die and burn, it set me free. I am free enough to allow space and time to work their way through me and show me that life lives beyond the physical death I see.
Ashes can rest peacefully upon my soil and strengthen me.
What is it that your eyes see when death becomes a part of a plan or dream?
Do you see the end of your manifestations?
Or can you realize your soil just received a much-needed ph balance to strengthen your future seeds?
With what hope are you living your life?
In 1 Peter 3:15, “Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.” Death in my personal life made this verse clear to me. To hold onto my hope, I had to sanctify God in my heart, which means “to make pure or free from sin or guilt.”When death comes into our lives, we automatically blame God, wanting him to carry away our perception of sin and guilt because we see death.
With the hope that lies within me, I can see death isn’t all that we’ve made it out to be. If God himself experienced and lived through someone adding seed to his soil in Mathew 13:25. Who are we to not think an enemy toiled in our soul too?
The most enlightening part of this parable is when we see that” while man slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.”
When Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane, He” always prayed with all prayer and supplication in the spirit, watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.” He took Peter, James, John and said, “My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death; tarry ye here, and watch.” And while Jesus is communing with God in prayer, he becomes “sorely amazed, and very heavy” as he is enlightened on the necessity of death.
In Jesus’ ministry, he would often talk about the blind leading the blind, and those who have ears let him hear. It is no coincidence that when Peter was first offended by God’s understanding of death, he offered himself as a tribute because he could not see the severity of the matter and why death required a covered man.
Sleep is Sweet, But Jesus Wept For You
After careful consideration, it is no mystery why Peter and all saints fell asleep. After God placed man into the Garden of Eden like in Gethsemane, he told them to sit ye here, while I shall pray.” Man saw God covered in armor and creating things and wanted to do the same.
The second time, God selected three of his disciples like Shem, Ham, and Japheth, the three sons of Noah, all heirs to the promise to continue with him. Afterward, God showed man how to temporarily atone for their sins to inherit the promise of God of restoration of man’s sight to enter into his presence. God requires us to worship him in spirit and in truth. God had a dilemma; woman was beguiled to eat by the serpent, she also gave to man because it was suitable for increasing knowledge and being as God.
In the book of Mark, Jesus warned Peter, “Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak. Man’s eyes were heavy and laden with sin; neither did they know what to say when they prayed.” After the Flood, God told man to tarry and keep watch over the earth, but like Jesus so eloquently simulated. The servant said in his heart, “My lord delays his coming; and begins to beat the menservants and maidservants, to eat and drink, and to be drunken.” In verse, it’s easy to miss what they are consuming, but in Isiah, the people are drunken and filled with sin.
On the final awakening, Peter hears the voice of God and wields his sword, but he cuts off the ear of another man. The same man who Jesus later condemns with the inability to hear his word, even after God himself replaced the man’s stricken ear. In proverbs 10:11, The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life, but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked. God says that he will anoint our eyes with an eye salve to see and decern right from wrong. Similarly, when man first was enlightened in Genesis, their eyes were opened, realizing that they needed a covering.
In Ephesians 6:15, we learn that a part of the armor, protection, or clothing of God in prayer and supplication. God knows all the hearts and minds of the hands that have been planted in our inherited land.
“Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.”
For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well-doing than for evil doing. For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the spirit; by which he also went and preached unto the souls in prison.”
Fortunately, God understands the importance of death and allows us to bring people to God. As we are put to death in our flesh revealing that it is not our will but the Fathers fulfilling through our lives as Jesus stated in his prayer; “Abba, Father all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.”
Death is a purifier of our heart’s soil, pulling up toxins and impurities planted in our earth as a child.
Now that I have my hands applied to the plow, I will pluck from the vineyard he placed inside of me. To cultivate my seed and perceive it as good, new life springs forth through the death of past dreams.
Sleeping peacefully as Jesus instructed me and taking my rest, as it is enough, the hour has come; behold, the Son of man was betrayed into the hands of sinners in exchange.
The sweetest lullaby to descend upon man, in-ear pressed cheek to cheek, solemnly at peace with thee.
Whoso is tired, weary, heavily burdened, and worn come near.
As I lay my body down this year, I pray utterance to be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel of peace.
Not fighting a faceless man, running through the woods as midnight strikes fear into the land.
Anxiety feels like war with a faceless man hiding under the bed, listening to the ticking of the clock’s hand. Eyes squinched from fear of the approaching man.
Oh, foolish man who has given you the spirit of fear?
Know ye not the voice of your master walking the breadth of his own land?
And strong is his mighty hand; is his hand too short of catching a fallen man?
I dreamt I could see a painted bird rising from flames etched into the right side of me. I felt so moved by the emotions of the bird seeking to escape. Head cocked high, determined to pierce the sky. Two wings cover its face, two shields the feet from the blaze, and two propel it upwards towards its gaze.
Anxiety no longer feels the same.
On who’s wings are you being lifted up upon?
Who’s shielding your feet from the flames of anxiety?
Who deflects the light from hindering your steady gaze?
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things, sufficient for the day is its own troubles.”
“The Lord will be a refuge for the oppressed…. they that know thy name will put their trust in thee; for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.”
“You will hear the prayer and supplication in heaven thy dwelling place, and maintain our cause, And forgive thy people that have sinned against thee, and all our transgressions wherein we have transgressed against thee and give us compassion before them who have carried us away captive, for thou only knowest the hearts of all the children of men.”
I felt torn afterward in my last post for how harshly my words may have been conveyed. Particularly around the part, I suggested Moses should have let the first generation of Israel dye. I didn’t write from the perspective of Israel, but more so from tired Moses or even God. God has no pleasure in the death of them that dieth, but he understands that death is required for the new generation to take a stand.
Today I felt compelled to flip my gaze and approach the anxiety the next generation may feel after seeing their parents die. I covered the things I believe were stopping Israel from being free. Anxiety was running rampant and tearing through the crowds from the report of the land. Fear struck the people’s hearts even though Jesus was around.
Some people believe opening their mouth to say the worst that could happen is a relief, chopping away at their anxiety. But God said indeed as he liveth, and as you have spoken into my ears, so will I do to you. “Awake, awake, put on strength, O arm of the Lord; awake, as in the ancient days, in the generations of old.” Seek the once despised land, as a little one who once spoke of as prey, you shall know the land which flows with milk and honey.
Watch ye, therefore; lest coming suddenly, he finds you sleeping. And what I say unto you I say unto all, watch.