I’ll Be… Just Fine.

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Since I liked your eyes,I sent my reply.

Since you liked my hair, I allowed you to stare.

I liked your eyes, I sent another reply.

I could pass on his feet, because they looked so beat.

Worn from all the places he’s been.

I said hello and that’s how it begins.

A simple reply just to pass the time.

Enjoying just letting go of time.

But time showed it’s face after just a few dates.

Foolish for me to imply, nonetheless I granted space.

Now it’s been over a months time,

Three full moons, symbolic this I know.

What it means, that I just don’t know.

If it was up to me, I’d know with surety and a shout.

No confusion or petty moments of doubt.

Together no, not ever. Ever since I replied I changed my fate.

I’d like to be considerate and more right and thorough. But no longer will I force myself , and just be true.

If I don’t feel it and neither do you.

Let’s just end this, and that’s what we’ll do.

That night was the last, a few moments before I knew.

Knew that I wanted to forget you.

Knew that I didn’t want you.

Knew that I wouldn’t continue to entertain you.

Knew that this wasn’t it, truely nothing against you.

I just knew that it wasn’t you.

I’d be a fool to continue pushing through. Blinded until I made the mistake of loving you.

No games as I don’t have the space for you.

Over it is and I wish the very best to you.

I know I was great, and I pray for myself to continue living this way.

Never bitter, beaten and cowering from love, friendship, bonds and ties all alike.

I’ll be fine and so will you.

Love Me… I Dont Know How

My fear is that I’m Loveless.

That I don’t have the strength to love someone else.

That I fear rejection so much that I’ll never truely open up to someone.

To this day the 9th of September in the highly esteemed year of 2018.

I’m a broken puzzle, trying to stop myself from scattering my pieces.

At least I can congratulate myself on the ability to make friends.

Someone that I talk to daily; She knows of my secret manipulative ways.

Allowing me to confide in her about my life choices.

But back to my opening statement. I dont know if I’m being rightly cautios.

Or if I’m barring myself from love. All because I have a fear of being unhappy.

Crying at night, wondering where my loved one is! (Hypothetical speaking)

Ducking in fear from my beloved’s, dagerous words stabing my heart. Tearing my emotions down word by word, throwing my past descesions at my face.

(Not to say that I would tolerate such abusive ways)

Refusing to allow me to repent and throw my bad tendencies behind me.

Neither do I want to tell someone all, of my wrongs.

(only for the fear of being judged)

Then when I flip the switch I want to be open, stupindously free; uncover my dark streaks.

I dont think I’m necessarily the worst.

But I hate my down falls passionatley.

Staining my pallet with bitterness.

Upsetting my stomach and causing it to swell…

It makes my insides quiver and ache.

Tople over and under.

I fear that I’m trying to wash away my sins so hard that I’m pushing away any potentially good men. Who are also cleansing their self.

(Not really just think what if.)

I fear it stims from my dedication to self love. Suffering from poor self worth.

My mind goes on and on with estranged situations and variable situations.

If I’m sinning, or struggling with a bad characteristic trait. Then not yet am I rady for a relationship.

Refusing anyone who doesnt seem to have the ability nor capacity to help, keep me away from my addictions.

So I just turn them away.

I don’t know If I can love another, or myself!

Tink Tink

Tink tink; I feel dry.

Tink tink; I overflow.

Tink tink; I look up at the sky.

They say eagles are a sign of good luck, but all I saw was a vulture.

Tink tink; does that mean death?

Death to my old ways?

Death to a bitter soul?

Death to my unruly ways?

Tink tink; I’m a well.

Freshly dug, and I keep digging deep.

Tink, tink I’m stubble and stone.

My life’s just begun!

I see new beginnings!

Tink tink; a garden grows.

Tink tink; its harvest time.

Tink tink; my harvest has grown!

Tink tink; I’m beaten upon the floor.

Tink tink; yes I feel pain.

Tink tink; the shaft is gone!

Tink tink; I see the fire!

Its a blazing flame.

I don’t smell flesh, its amazing grace!

Tink tink …the stubble is gone.

Tink tink; I’m firm and strong

Tink tink; I sing a song.

Tink, tink I cry aloud ” I’ve been remade and redeemed.”

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, I give Yah praise!

In Yahushua’s name.

Tink tink: Shalom!