Today was a wonderful day. Not because everything went perfectly, because it was not what I would call a perfect day. For the past two months, I have been on the job hunt. And I don’t know if you know but the job hunt in 2018 is the real deal Hunger Games, similar to a battlefield.
Everybody’s trying to survive but there can only be one winner. And in the game of interviews, especially group interviews you see and meet people who are excellent candidates for the job but nonetheless you wish them to fail. And for yourself to succeed and land the job. ( OR maybe its just me?
Not. I’m just the only one willing to say how I feel.)
But this is a little besides my point. These past few months I have been slightly struggling within. And yes this ties back into my self-love mantra. Because I struggle with perfection and where I aspire to be in my life and in all honesty that’s why I need self-love. And jumping into the job hunt mad me vulnerable. (Referring to my mental state)
Telling people that I quit my job and explaining the situation to my family.(Although they were and are very supportive) I still have this fear that they’re judging me about my decisions.
So, all of this ties into prayer. Well as I was told in my childhood prayer is a powerful tool/weapon and shield.
I took advantage of my vulnerability and dived into prayer, vigilantly. In a more aggressive and sincere way than I had ever done.
I prayed about quitting my job.
I prayed about when to quit my job.
I prayed for a specific sign so that I would feel at ease about quitting my job.
And my whole job quitting story is serious and another story for another Tuesday purge.
In this prayer journey, I have learned not what to pray for, but what not to pray for.
In my past, I have prayed for some crazy things. ( My past prayer sessions were more of pleadings/begging for something like a spoiled child) But we grow and thank God I did.
Things I have prayed for are below:
- For a specific job. Got the job and it was hell.
- For my parents to die because my life would be easier. ( I was young don’t judge me too hard. come on you so have never prayed for God to kill someone before? Right, I don’t believe you. Lol
Which is not accurate. I have so many family members, I would never see an adoption agency or foster care, it’s crazy to think that was my plan.
I’m truly grateful that God ignored me and then occasionally answered just to teach me how wrong I was to ask.
Jumping back to the present.
I quit my job as a salesperson to jump into the legal field. I had a year internship at a law office. But for some reason had never applied to jobs in the legal field, because I was scared of rejection. Telling myself it was hard enough for a high schooler to get an Internship let alone a job.
So I quit my job and started searching for any company that would give me the opportunity to plant some roots in their office for an hourly wage exchange.
This is also where I mad the change and stated morning affirmations. Because I realized that I needed to force myself to start my days off positively. Affirming myself, refusing negativity. I also meditated for 20 minutes every morning on peace.
This was mind-numbing in the most positive way possible. I forced out my inner fears and replaced them with what I wanted to manifest in my life.
Another self-treatment that I applied was utilizing my journal. Documenting my day when it was hard. When I felt depressed and just simply bummed.
I wrote my emotions. My actions, and what thoughts and fears caused me to think or act the way I did for the day. Did my actions and thoughts bother me? Then I answered myself.
By breaking down my emotions it allowed me to allow myself to understand my emotions better.
Example: If I was upset with and had an attitude for the day and responded harshly to something someone said to me. I wrote down my response. What I did before it happens. What I was thinking before., And How I was feeling. How did I feel after the situation? What was my true reason for my action?
With me writing it down it some how allows me to see mysef in a personal unpersonal way thats understanding and accepting of myself. At the end I tell myself that my emotions are normal and natural. But my gaol is to notice and track my limits. And control and stop unwanted actions, thoughts, and feelings.
In my two months of job hunting, I was struggling with my self-worth. I was landing interviews but for some reason no callbacks.
At first, having the interviews lined up was enough to give me confidence that I did the right thing about quit my job. If I didn’t have the qualifications I wouldn’t even get an interview.
But why was I not getting the job?
This is when my prayer went into overdrive. I was doubting my decision, thinking I was crazy to give this a try. And I should just try to get a job in customer service or something easy and attainable.
I had to learn that even though I made the right decision to search for a job in my desired field, doesn’t mean I will land a job in a week. And that’s alright. Even if and God forbid, I don’t get a job at least I tried and applied myself. Instead of doubting and blocking my opportunity.
If I don’t get the job that I want right this moment then that means I was not meant to have the job right this moment. So I stepped back and hit my target from another angle, harder and pressed on.
I revamped my resume. And revised my cover letter. Saught advice from job counslers. And steemed torward my next line up of interviews.
After three months of job hunting suddenly in a week, I needed to relocate to another place. It is a good thing I didn’t get a job because I would have been torn to leave it and move.
Moving to St.Thomas V.I. And staying with my grandparents, was huge for me. They needed my help and I was jobless. (Thankfully) And was able to freely make this life change.
While talking to my grandmother she started telling me about this wonderful lady who she has always relied upon to pray for her. No matter where this lady happens to be when she calls she will pray with her. And I seriously am in awe of this.
I want to be a feverant prayer. For others, now that I feel that I’ve learned how to pray for myself. (cocky of me, right)
I’m on a jorney of climbing a mountain of prayer.
Summary of my Mountain climbing Adventure: Three ways to Climb
- Pray, for whats best for me and not for what I think I need/want.
- I pray that I find my place and I succeed even though it will be hard. I pray that I become kind, gentle, meek, and humble and that I learn to have joy in my struggles.
- Because life is filled with suffering. And God doesn’t promise to get rid of that, only to hold my hand, to make me feel better.
- To pray for boldness, and not short selling myself in life.
- To be patient and know that God will give me the desires of my heart in due time.(Whenever that may be.) 🙂
- “Try to keep my head held high, and teach my feet not be in such a hurry”
- 20 minutes each morning
- listening to my heart beat, breath intake, and and body functions and sounds.
- Trying to find a deep quiteness
- ignoring all distractons
- Listening with my eyes closed trying to distinguesh the sounds around me.
- Saying thanks for a new day.
I shared my monthy affirmations and how I affirm myself. And I add my monthly scripture to also recite every morning.
- I am smart
- I will work diligetly and never give up.
- I can do anything with hardwork
- Apply myself and I will succeed.
- I will be kind to everyone I see including myself today.
- Each breath feels me with an abundance of sunshine and peace.