Without Him

I love him like I’ve never, ever loved somebody. Warmest embrace I’ve ever lived to know. I’m not easily moved, nor emotionally inclined.

Still, sometimes we fight.

But never in synch, it’s funny how we click with a hint of disagreement. I call him and he refuses to enter my presence. Leaving me filled with feelings of momentary rejection. Him telling me he can’t interupt me at my job, I don’t need to see him that bad.

Lulling me and telling me to just wait. “Yaselynn be strong, Girl its hasn’t even been five maybe six hours since we parted ways.”

Yet I throw a fit.

Either I ingnore him and he’s wondering why. Then it flips and I start crying and begging for his return. Because as I’ve said he’s got the sweetest embrace; that I’ve had the privilage to swaddle up to at night.

I love him. No one else can compare or tale his place.

My mother got knocked out, My father he lost the race too.

I love him, I could sing his name all day. It’s the best toon.

He’s cool and we all know I’m cute so togther we’re fly.

But I can’t lie, theres times I want to choke him and watch him die.

Ending in a hot persute, beacuse I would die of heartache and grief. All before we could decide on a picture for his obituary.

I love this man so deep.

Now back to the part about when we fight.

When we go at it, its because I ignored his calls the night before. He leaves me tons of messages and missed (Ignored calls). And at that moment I swear he’s pathetic. Thinking, “Bruh leave me alone, I swear I can go a few days without contact.”

Conclusion, I’m a bit foolish.

To tell the honest to goodness truth, the longest I’ve gone is quite sad. I’ve ignored his calls, texts, and pop up, its a surprise visit at my job. “Why you didn’t answer me?”

Mmm, not even a full 24 hours. Because, without him, I just get all sad. When I sprint for my annual emancipation streak.

I crash and go through all five stages of grief.




4. Depression


I love this man. He doesn’t even have to kiss me to make me feel this way. Just his presence is a reassurance of our bond. I love him deep, deep, so deep. It comes from a different part of me.

Soon, its really soon.

I’ll love him fully and embrace him every day. Even on the days, I want to forget he exists.

My eyes look sunken in and all my coworkers whisper and try to be nice. To tell me I look tired. I try to muster a smile and say its because I’ve been thinking of him. Trying to remember why my book, tv show, TEDx video, stretching and even bathing was more important than him.

I love him and I thank God this man is faithful to me. Even though sometimes he ignores me, but that’s usually in response to me pissing him off five maybe even six times before. He knows how much I need him. I love him and he’s my good night sleep.

I love him.


Dear sleep. 🙂

How ‘Projection’ Slows Down the Path to Security Maturity — Infosec News Ireland

How ‘Projection’ Slows Down the Path to Security Maturity A little bit of self-awareness goes a long way when it comes to evaluating a company’s security maturity level. It’s also a prerequisite to improving. Recently, I observed a somewhat intense conversation between two acquaintances about a parenting issue. In this conversation, one person […]

via How ‘Projection’ Slows Down the Path to Security Maturity — Infosec News Ireland


I don’t want his kisses.

I don’t want his love.

No longing for his fingertips to scale up and down my spine.

Not a touch on my inner thigh.

Not a pat on my behind.

I don’t want his tender love.

I don’t want him to make me moan, causing my toes to curl or point and my hairs to highper extend.

Neither do I want to be the fufiler of his lust.

The pinicle of his sexual prowl.

My lips on his neck and a tender hand at his nape. No

I just dont.

Wanting to synchronize breaths as we climax .

Staring deep into his eyes.

No desire for him to bequeath his kisses to my skin.

His hands to hold me like some love song.

I care not to smell him upon my sheets, basking in satisfaction and glee.

Or to regurgitate and remenince on his embrace when he is away.

Oh not this one…

I care not for his face.

Waiting on the world to change !

Some wait on the world to change.

Others try to force the world to change.

By going against the grain, standing up for what they believe and condemning those who judge their book by the cover.

And then there’s those who want the world to change.

Internal critiques they are, of the world and those who judge them by their appearances.

They are similar to those who go against the grain of the world. But they have a different tactic of changing people’s biases.

“If the worlds going to judge me off of my appearance and body language. Then I’ll learn what they think is good, and exhibit those qualities.”

Just to lower their guard’s in listening to what I have to say.

I truly respect the bravery of the open revolutionaries. But, you’re easily spotted, and then ostracized.

Now you are limited to whom you will change.

Lots of women say, how they hate having to wear clothes because men can’t keep their eyes and hands to themselves.  And how quickly we get labeled a hoe for wearing revealing clothes.

Yes, I understand that you are not necessarily a hoe or slut for wearing revealing clothes.

But darlings you cant change a definition and history in a day hoes in one day. The main characteristics signs will remain the same they’ll just say you dress like a hoe. and be one exception to the rule

The world and its stigmas have existed centuries before your great-grandmother. And here you are going against the grain.

I understand the desire to be out of the box.

But I haven’t the heart or patients to live life this way.

I applaud those who fearlessly wage the war.

I’ve decided to live my life a little less than great.

I rather play the game. Look inside the box and gravel when they realize that I’m more than my appearance.

I know the world judges books by their covers and why shouldn’t we.

Everyone except those less fortunate have the time to decide on their appearance. Being raised and aware of groups and acceptable fashion and demeanor. Fit the bill, or be confined to misconceptions of you.

I enjoy looking pure and innocent, quiet and having not much of an opinion. But beware once you spark my fire its one hot hell.

Start a conversation and the revolutionary in me become ablaze. I refuse stupidity and just plain ignorance. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but soon the truth comes out. And with a respectable personal it smooths them a bit out.

Fight fire with fire, or bend it back and tarnish their beliefs.

Let them get all choked up and enraged, and softly reply back.

Some wait on the world to change.

Others pave the way.

Then there’s those who gently suggest a change.

Those who play the game.

Get played by the game.

And then who refuse the game’s existence.

I rather play the game then get played, and I dont beat on dead horses.

People change when they want to , very few are oblivious to their wronge. Most indulge in it for what ever reason they see fit.

Like a soft autome breeze.

Tropical hurrican storm.

Then theres the Sun on a rainy day.

God mad seasons and the whether to change. Just like people everone has their season that fits their personality type. Maybe I’ll gow into a tropical storm. I once waited on the world to change. Now I’m in between.

Who knows, in a few years I may rage like Katrina, or even Galveston from 1900 the deadliets hurrican in the American history. But I do know that I’m not wiating on this world to change. What about you? Whats your season and whether condition?



Changing faster than the seasons and hours.

Evoking conviction or bliss.

Stroking an inner cyst.

Hemorrhage in the heart.

Emotions sway.

Seizing the day.

Eclips of the brain.

Changing our hearts.

Trifling, tactless, and indiscreet.

Degrading our thoughts

Manefesting in our walks

The worst kind of thoughts.

Emotion filled thoughts.

Relentless, hence why we never stop.

Why dont we evolve?

Discontinue this unworthy brand.

Unmingle it with the seed of man.

Cast it fare from within our hands.

No longer shall we mention its name.

I agree, we all agree.

Lets make this a decree

Please, dont forget the plan?

The worst is an emotion driven man.

We will rationalize.

Not internalize.

Respond with only facts.

Do not decend into this sin.

Gather our courage and strength.

“We the people,” can make this stand.

This is a battle not for the wimp.

“Oh, you need much strength.”

Muster, crumple, gather all your wits.

As one, we will recompense.

Indemnify, those who suffered ill fate.

At the hands of the worst man trait.

Like, comment, and follow my blog if you enjoyed this excerpt from my soul. 😉

I Should Have Read the Contract!

I should have read the contract

But how could I ?

It was never spoken, written, or even implied.

Still , I should have read the contract.

At least in between the lines.


I didn’t want to think about the fine print.

I signed in my hearts blood, mixed with oddly lolng hours.

I eluded myself.

Thinking that he was Gods gift.


I trwirled just for him.


Soon the contract started getting clear.

He enjoyed his own company.

And resisted me coming near.

He had no home, so I assumed he was alone.



No, lets be honest.

I met him alone.


Simply thinking,  “I’ll just be his home”.

Wistling my own tune.

Jumping and skipping along to the beat.

Not tricked, beacuse that recuires a trick.

He had no magic stick.


I…… carressed my thigh.

Imaging his on mine.

I should have seen the sighns…


I chased, but there was no hole.

Only Alice, in her own wonder-liss land.

Trying to exscape.

I chocked on my happiness.

Trying to profess him into my life, by planting seeds.

Ended up with weeds.


I should have read the contract.

No, I should have ripped it to shreds.



Be carful what you embrace.

A venamous, viper of a plant.

I dangled by my neck

Excreting my last short, sarrowful breaths.

This is my own fault.

I should have seen the sighns.

Or at least the pickit signs.

The over grown earth.

The desolate and sodden view.


A blood- orange sun that never sets.

Scarecrows, with trodden picket fence.

No life, sounds, or people for me to view.


As I dangle, its my hands that strangle.

The air is now thin.

Lungd no longer growing big.

Now I’m left to only fantasize.

About what our lives could have been.

I’f I headed signs.


“Beware, of lost boys”

“Those who rome”

“seam lost and without real homes”

“Glazed brown eyes”

These are the signs.

Fun at first.

Its a spectacular kind of high.

And hear I lay.

No longer can I complain, just a sigh.

I’m the one who let my decernment cease.




Ascension: Cinnamon

Hellow, and greetings to all. I know the post of the week is late but all is well. And I hope its enjoyed.

A color poem is whats in mind.

This kind of poem is my own personal invention. One where every line includes a color.

This particular poem today is a man’s description of a woman.

I hope everyone is familiar with their colors.

It’s not really necessary, just ask google.

Without further ado:




Yes, tawny was her hair.

Syrupy, was her ting.

Mint was her air.

Cinnamon, are her eyes.

Walnut, etched cheekbones.

Ginger on her backbone.

And a brunette colored spine.


Mulberry twing, about her hips.

Boysenberry were her lips.

Tangerine, were her hands.

A sandstone brine, for her hind.

Spice, in between her thighs.

With a butterscotch undertone.

Had on a honeydew kind of dress.

With a brick house of a stance.

Arctic, was our view.

Candy was her tongue.

Marmalade, I sniffed her Perfume.

Honey was her touch.

Golden is her hue.

Lemon, she had much zest.

Fire etched her eyes.

Aries was her sign.

Homeschooling should we engage?

“Home is where our stories begin”

“No place like home.”

“Home is where the heart lies.”

“Home sweet home.”

“Love begins at home.”

Our society has a vast amount of lovely little sayings about homes, houses, and the family; concerning what an important foundation a good home is.

So why do we hesitate to educate our children in the same loving home we glorify?

Our home is our safety, sanity, and sanctuary.

But we refuse to surround our children in this atmosphere as much as possible in the critical early years of brain development.

I personally believe that parents play the biggest role in establishing who their children will be when they are adults.

Children learn so much information from socially learning from their parents . Then when our children reach this special age, we no longer consider ourselves capable of teaching them what they need to know to thrive in our ever-changing bustling society. I personally know that I would have learned so much more at a younger age if my mother would have started my homeschooling at an earlier age and grade.

The public school system hardly caters to children’s individual needs. Forcing all students in the same grade to learn the same information at the exact time that the school board decides to be age appropriate learning.

While homeschoolers are encouraged to learn as vast of knowledge as your child wants or you as the teacher delegates for them to learn.

In one of my conversations with a father, I tried to explain that our school system trains mediocre scholars.  On the other hand, Homeschoolers are encouraged to soar past their peers and learn triple the information at younger ages.

“Why would you not want your child to graduate three years ahead of their peers and join the work field three years earlier?”

They will one: have the upper hand.

Two: have the freedom to start businesses at earlier ages.

Three: Finish their required community service hours for scholarships.

Four: Freedom to accept that first unpaid internship, because they are highschoolers who don’t have an impending need for money. Either because they started a little business two-three years ago. Or they rely on their parents but have the free time for internships in their desired fields.

There is so much more freedom in a homeschooled child’s curriculum. Graduating high school earlier than normal, and many graduate early with an associates and or bachelors degree.

Below I answer some of the common questions and concerns parents have when considering homeschooling their children.



  • How Many Families In The United States Homeschool and Why Do They Choose This Path?

    Stats on Homeschoolers: How do They Compare to Public Schoolers? Did you know that 1.5 to 2.4 Million children were homeschooled in 2008 (Ray 2008, see also Princiotta, Bielick & Chapman, 2006)? This is in comparison to the 56.1 Million students that attend a conventional school (2000 U.S. Department of Education Statistic). Homeschooling is growing exponentially, but it still pales in comparison to the number of students in traditional schools. Why do families choose this path? If you asked each family individually you’d probably get slightly different rhetoric, but in general, their answers would fall into one of the categories below.

    In a study done by Dr. Brian D. Ray, President of the National Home Education Research Institute, 7,306 participants were asked why they homeschool, and their responses were as follows:

    • 79.5% Believed they could give their child a better education at home
    • 76.7% Religious Reasons
    • 73.5% To teach their children particular values and beliefs
    • 69.2% To develop character/morality
    • 66.7% Object to what school teaches
    • 56.1% Poor learning environment in school
  • How Much Does An Average Family Spend On Homeschooling?

    In a survey done by Dr. Brian D. Ray in Spring 2008 with 11,729 participants grades Kindergarten through Twelveth Grade from all Fifty States, Guam, and Puerto Rico, the median amount of money spent per homeschool student was between $400-$599.

  • How Do Homeschool Students Score On State Tests?

    Do homeschool students do well in comparison to their traditionally schooled counterparts? The answer is yes! In the same study cited above in Spring 2008, homeschool students scored exceptionally high on test scores, in the 80th percentile, in comparison with the public school average of the 50th percentile.

    Also, a study was done in 1997, of 5,402 homeschool students showed that on average, their scores were 30-37 percentile points higher than their public school counterparts. The study also showed that the longer a child was homeschooled the better the score was. For example, a first-year homeschool student scored in the 59th percentile, while a student homeschooled two or more years prior to taking the test score in the 86th to 92nd percentile (www.hslda.org).

    Some other links to answer questions when homeschooling.

    Homeschoolers and socialization

    Homeschool friendly colleges


    I know th is little snippet of a post doesnt answer a lot of concerning question some parents may have. My main drive for this post was to inform and ignite the desire to home school. Founded on good facts and understanding. homeschooling is just as important and monumental of a task as raising a child.

    Not recommended for the lazy, or at least those who aren’t witty. Everything in life causes for improvement. Life its self is a learning process. You are not the first to home school, and you will not be the last.

    You have the privilege to raise your children in the twenty-first century, that’s booming with technology, internet, and a gigantic source of easily accessible information.

    People are learning trades, and professions everyday online.

  • Thank you so much for taking the time to read and consider homeschooling. Or for simply learning something new.


Thank You BrightHubeducation, for a helping hand with information and statistics about homeschooling.




While thinking, I suddenly thought how warm darkness is.

I assume a good way to get a glimpse into a persons mental state is by asking how they feel about darkness.

And by darkness, I mean discribe your feelings on a deep dark night when you step outside.

When younger, I was scared of the night. My mind would be filled with thoughts of what ifs. (Someone or thing was lurking around waiting to pounce.)🕵️‍♂️

Never taking the time to realish in the beauty of the night.

Quite, peaceful , stillness, and settle soft breezes of wind tickleing my face.

The beauty of the night sky.

Maybe its just me experiencing the warm florida nights.

But, the night is so warm. It just feels just right at times.

It’s quite, my thoughts are loud and clear with no interruption,except from my next train of thought.

Everyone talks about how breathtaking the sky is in day time. Or a tear jurking stary night.

I enjoy the pitch dark nights where you wounder where everything and one is hiding.

Do you go outside at night?

What for?

How does it make you feel?

Please dont be afraid, dont think of the monsters of the day.

Let the night cleans you.

There is beauty in the dark night sky.

Maybe even more than the bright day.

Because the dark sky forces, faith and hope for another day.

Darkness has its own kind of brightness.

We just have to stop to feel it.

It can feel heavy or light, maybe it depends on the night.

I guess it depends on your view of the night.